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The Church Accountant season 3 (Episode 6)

The next day in the evening, I was about going home I entered the church. I saw the choir doing their rehearsals when I entered but Sis. Kafeeya was leading the praise session. As soon as she saw me, she was choking in her song. I smiled at her and left the church building and waited outside. When the praise session ended, she came out to see me

Sis Kafeeya: Accountant, how are you?
Me: I’m fine.
Sis Kafeeya: how was your day?
Me: splendid.
Sis Kafeeya: you haven’t been calling me.
Me: to be candid, I didn’t remember to save your number that time.
Sis Kafeeya: huh I will call you tonight.

As soon as she was leaving, she blew me a kiss. I smiled and left for my house. As soon as I got to the church gate, I received a call from Mercy

Mercy: you eh I am very angry at you
Me: ma binu (don’t be annoyed)
Mercy: I haven’t been around since last week. You didn’t even bother to call me
Me: I am sorry fa. What happened
Mercy: I lost my Mum and I had to go home for the burial.
Me: Haaaaa!!!!! Why didn’t you tell me
Mercy: it was sudden. Though I told Senior Pastor.
Me: eeyah. It is well dear. But where are you now?
Mercy: I have returned.
Me: good. Can I come
Mercy: I should say that you should go home but….. you can come.
Me: be expecting me in the next 30 minutes.
Mercy: don’t come oooo……
Me: ok. I will be going home
Mercy: if I don’t see you……(purred) if you keep me waiting…….
Me: you no well at all. (Call ends)

As soon as the call ends, I went to the mini – mart and bought some things for her. when I got to her house, I smelled aroma of fresh peppered soup. I sneaked into her house but as I entered I was hearing a male voice

Stranger: Mercy, I am going home.
Mercy: wait let me see you off.

I quickly hid somewhere and saw both of them going out. But what I noticed about the guy was that he was looking disappointed. As soon as they left, I sneaked to her door. I discovered that she didn’t lock her door. I entered and sat on the chair in her apartment. I waited for about 10 minutes when I heard her voice coming to her room. She dialled my number at her door.

Mercy: where are you now?
Me: I don’t feel like coming to your place again.
Mercy: (hissed) why are you doing this to me? Why the sudden change of plans (she enters)
Me: see her head (ends call)
She came to me to give me a warm hug. I reciprocated by placing a kiss to her lips.
Mercy: I thought you won’t come again (sitting on my laps). I missed you baby.
Me: (yinmu for my mind) if that your baby catches me
Mercy: he is not even around
Me: I thought he was the one leaving.
Mercy: no. that guy has been disturbing me to date him
Me: or to fcccukkk him
Mercy: (punches me on my chest) no he wan give me “mouth – action”

Instead of answering her, I went straight for her lips. I kissed her. she kissed in return and started removing my clothes. In no time we were both UNCLAD. Then her phone rang. It was her guy. She picked it on the third ring and put it on Loudspeaker

Her Guy: Mercy how are you?
Mercy: (indifferent) I am fine.
Her Guy: where are you?
Mercy: I am at home.
Her Guy: I am at First Bank ATM in Jericho.
Mercy: Jericho Ibadan Why didn’t you tell me you were coming?
Her Guy: should I tell you that I’m coming?
Mercy: I didn’t say so. But you should have informed me about your coming.
Her Guy: what are you insinuating?
Mercy: I’ve missed you baby (winks at me)
Her Guy: I cant wait to see you. (call ends)

As soon as I heard that he was in Jericho, I quickly wore my clothes and adjusted myself.

Me: I want to be going home
Mercy: I want you to f**k you before he comes.
Me: EMI Who wan die (stood up to leave)
Mercy: I’m hungry for your c^ck pleeeeeaaaassssseeee

I did not answer her. I left her place and as I was going home, I received a call from Helen

Helen: Accountant, I am really angry at you.
Me: what happened?
Helen: you don’t call, even SMS you don’t send….
Me: (cuts in) I had been busy for some weeks now and……
Helen: is it those ladies in the church that are deceiving you?
Me: hmm. You are jealous. If my girl catches you ehn>>>
Helen: so is it only your girl that your c^ck is made for?
Me: (yinmu) perfectly sure.
Helen: can I come and see you in your place?
Me: I’m sorry you cant come
Helen: but why?
Me: I am living with my fiancée’s elder brother.
Helen: can you come to my palce?
Me: no. because I am already home.
Helen: eeyah. We’ll talk later.
Me: ok (call ends)

 

As soon as the call ended, I received a text from Kafeeya which reads “please call me”. I called her back

Me: Sis Kafeeya how are you?
Kafeeya: please call me Kafeeya. Well I’m fine.
Me: I saw your SMS…
Kafeeya: I want to see you. Are you at home?
Me: no. I’m on my way home. But you cant come to where I am staying.
Kafeeya: eeyah. And I want to come and see you.
Me: it is well. Can we see in the office tomorrow?
Kafeeya: ok. I’ll come. take care bye. (call ends)
As soon as I got home, I saw two toddlers running with Dolapo. When I greeted them I entered my apartment. Then one of them came and meet me

Toddler 1: what is your name?
Me: my name is Mike. And what is your own name?
Toddler 1: my name is Praise Lawal.
Me: Praise….. how are you?
Praise: I am fine Uncle Mike
Me: what about daddy and mummy?
Praise: Daddy has travelled but Mummy is inside with Grand ma.
Me: ok……
As I wanted to enter my apartment, the second toddler came to meet her
Toddler 2: Praise, Mummy is calling you.
Praise: tell her that I am with Uncle Mike.
Toddler 2: haven’t you heard Mummy that says that we shouldn’t talk with strangers
Praise: leave me alone. Want to stay with uncle mike.
The second toddler was dragging praise but I had to restrain both of them. The second toddler went inside the main building in annoyance to report the first one. Hardly have we settled down I heard a knock on my door.

Me: come in.
When the woman came inside, I saw it was Sis. Kafeeya!!!
Kafeeya: Accountant, so this is where you are living?
Me: yes ma. Are you surprised?

Instead of her to respond, she took Praise and was on her way out. I quickly held her by the arm and gently pulled her back

Me: Kafeeya, hope I didn’t offend you?
Kafeeya: so this is where you are living and you didn’t want me to come and see you
Me: yes Kafeeya. Mrs Adedokun husband and my girl are blood – related.
Kafeeya: (shocked) what
Me: and she has come to pay me a visit here.
Kafeeya: hmmm.
Me: so, inviting another woman into this place is like trying to step on a wounded cobra’s tail.

Kafeeya: (relaxes) ok. I understand.
Me: can I pay you a visit tomorrow afternoon in your place?
Kafeeya: nope. But I will send an address to you. You will meet me there.
Me: ok ma’am. Hope you are not angry again?
Instead of answering me, she turned and swayed her a$$ and left.

 

The following day in the office, I met with Mercy

Me: how was your night?

Mercy: (hisses) when he got home I observe that he was looking fidgety. I tried to probe further; I discover that he was hiding his phone from me. When I had the opportunity to check his phone, I discovered a number called him around 23 times. I quickly copied the number and called it when he went to watch Man U – Wolfsburg match. Do you believe that my so – called fiancé has a family in Badagry and I didn’t know. So when he came back we had a lot of argument and I refused him having sex with me. He left in anger this morning.

Me: hmmm. This is serious. (Turning to her) what about me?

Mercy: you are not married I could understand. At least we’ve agreed to be friends without benefits.

Me: ok Mercy. Take heart…..

Mercy: why will I take heart (tears forming in her eyes) after wasting 8 years of investment on him and chasing potential suitors away from me.

I hugged and consoled her. I decided that she should stop talking so that she will not be crying. I told her to quickly do her work and go home that I will be coming to her place. Not long I settled down I received a call on my phone. It was Kafeeya

Kafeeya: naughty boy how are you?

Me: naughty girl I am fine. Ermmm I am sorry for what happened yesterday. i….

Kafeeya: (cuts in) no problem. Mrs Adedokun said a lot about you and how gentle you are in the house and so on. But…
Me: (cuts in) but what
Kafeeya: the way I always look at you in the church, I know you will be pretending
Me: I am too gentle to hurt a fly ma’am
Kafeeya: are you busy in the office?
Me: not really. But SP is in his office.
Kafeeya: eeyah. I’d wanted to send you the address of where you will locate me.
Me: send it. Even if I won’t come now, I will definitely come later.
Kafeeya: It is important that I see you.
Me: ok….. let me see what I can do.
As soon as the call ends, I wanted to sneak out. But as I was about locking my door, the intercom buzzed

Me: hello
SP: Accountant, what are you doing presently?
Me: nothing sir.
SP: please come to the conference room immediately.
Me: ok sir (call ends)

I went to meet the SP in the conference room. But when I got there, I saw the SP, the Church Board, Helen and other members of her team. I sat down at the vacant seat

SP: I called this meeting so as to inform and decide on the bank we will be using. I discovered overtime that the Bank is overcharging us on our income account and the recent payment we made for the purchase of the landed property the amount charged for COT is more. But I am surprised that the Accountant (turning to me) did not raise the objection to the effect. So I want to tell you bankers, you either reverse that COT, or we move our account from your bank.

CB Chairman: Accountant I am surprised that you could not see through the transaction. What happened?

Me: Sir, it is just now that I am hearing that the bank charged us COT on the transaction. I don’t receive alert except I log – on to the church mail to see the e – mail alert. And I observed that the password to the church e – mail address has been changed and the church secretary hasn’t notified me of the change of password.

CB Chairman: are you telling the truth
Me: sir, let me connect to the internet and check.
As I checked, they soon realized that I was unable to access the church mail. When SP saw it he calmed down
SP: but what about the internet banking platform?
Me: sir, you have requested for its deactivation since two months ago.
SP: hmmm. Ok but Accountant what is your say on this issue?

Me: (looking at Helen) sir, I would suggest you leave the accounts with them. Though I am not happy at the way they deducted that outrageous COT and even as a church we should have concession. And….

Helen Oga: Accountant, we cant do that sir. You know…

Me: (cuts in) I have a friend who also is a church accountant at Ologuneru. He operates a Zero COT on all his churches accounts

SP and CB Chairman: WHAT SO YOU KNEW THIS INFORMATION ALL THIS WHILE AND YOU ARE STILL KEEPING OUR ACCOUNTS WITH THIS BANK

Me: sir, I don’t just want to be changing things here. Remember I am just four months old in this place and I don’t want to put this sister (pointing at Helen) to too much pressure from work.

SP: (facing the bankers) you have till Friday to reverse the transaction. If not, we will move our accounts.

Helen looked at me. When I saw her eyes, she was pleading “don’t take away your account from our bank” with her look. After the meeting I went straight to my office. The Team Lead that accompanied Helen to the meeting came to see me

Helen Oga: Accountant, why are you doing this to us? Do you want to red – flag our branch at the Head Office?

Me: I won’t talk much but whatever the SP says is final.
Helen: Accountant, I will come and see you later in the day.
Me: ok. (turned to my computer system) have a nice day sirs.
When they left, I got a whatsapp message from Helen
Helen: Accountant Mike, please prevail on the SP to retain the church accounts with us.
Me: I will try my best but I am not promising you.
Helen: whatever you want I will give you
Me: what about your………
Helen: my pu33y
Me: I never mention anything o. but by the way, you are too raw

Helen: do you know that the 30 million Naira you transferred from your church account affected my rating in the office? Even in my office, every
other Relationship Officers are doing all sort to ensure that I am being boxed out from the Bank.

Me: how?

Helen: you know that you have a reserve account that is presently about 1.45 billion Naira and as I am, I am just an ND holder in the bank. So imagine, me sitting on top of such amount. i will do whatever it takes to keep your church account.

Me: hmmm…… this is serious.
Helen: so I am ready to do whatever you want me to do
I had decided to be on sabbatical for a month (i.e. not having sex for a month)
Me: I am sorry no show for the next one month.
Helen: can we meet this evening?
Me: sure.
Helen: I will send the address where we will meet.
Me: ok.

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The Church Accountant season 3 (Episode 5)
The Church Accountant season 3 (Episode 7)

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