Our journey to Abuja was eventful because we all argued and discussed about the elections (between GEJ and GMB) and how Jega is bleeping up with the non-functionality of the card reader in some places. We arrived at Abuja and funny enough we dropped at the same bus – stop. We exchanged numbers and sooner or later, we started dating each other. On a fateful day she came to Ibadan to pay me a visit, she collapsed and she was rushed to the hospital. It was there that we discovered that she had anaemia and she urgently needed blood transfusion. When I volunteered to donate blood to her the Doctor said he wanted to see me in his office
Doctor: Mr. St. Collins (pronounced as Sin-Collins), there is not a good news. Who is she to you?
Me: She is my girlfriend.
Doctor: I am sorry to tell you sir, you are AS while she too is AS
Me: mo gbe (i am in trouble)Ahhhh!!!
I felt my world was crashing…. My first and only girlfriend!!!! The girl that took my virginity!!!! Why I was crying leaving the doctor’s office. A woman came to console me that I should take heart and volunteered to donate hers’. When she was alright I broke the news to her. She cried and cried but later she took heart and we remained best of friends, though sometimes whenever she comes to Ibadan, we always have mind blowing “bleep – bleep”
The following day, I resumed back to office at 8.30am. The Head Pastor called me to the office and he gave me my appointment letter, and surprisingly a key to an apartment paid for by Deaconess Emeka. I was surprised because I don’t know what is up in her sleeves. I went to the apartment and wow, it was a room and parlour self – contained apartment. After returning back to office, I requested for Deaconess Emeka number from the Secretary and I called her to appreciate her for the apartment.
Deaconess Emeka: Hope the place is okay
Me: it is fine ma.
Deaconess Emeka: but no turn am to slaughter slab ooo
Me: (laughs) Mummy no ooh.
Deaconess Emeka: Ok. I will store your number ma
Me: yes ma.
By that weekend, I moved to the new apartment. Then on Sunday which was my first Sunday in the church… I saw weeen…..beautiful girls that made my “OPA MOSE” tanda like pole. I had to switch off my mind from the church in order to concentrate in the service. The Head Pastor introduced me to the church as the new Church Accountant and the reaction from the girls made my mind go haywire…….
After the service, Sis. Iyoaye came into my office to remit the proceeds of sales from the bookshop.
Sis. Iyoaye: Accountant, I want to ask you something
ME: go ahead
Sis. Iyoaye: How is your girlfriend?
Me: (laughs) me I no get o.
Sis. Iyoaye: Iro le n pa (you are lying)
Me: We broke up due to medical incompatibility
Sis. Iyoaye: eeyah. Ok sir. Please sign the bookstore remittance register. I am rushing home.
As soon as I signed the register, and she was about going I pulled her back and pecked her on the cheek. She was surprised and she said
Sis. Iyoaye: Accountant e ma koba mi o (please don’t implicate me)
I felt like squeezing her Weapon of Mass Defence and sucking the key of the weapon. She winked at me before she left my office.