Life of a fucker. Episode 52.

Shape was a very sexy girl. I believe I
have mentioned that here many a time.
You can never over exaggerate her
sexiness. Everything she did was as
sexy AF, the way she talked, her smile,
her cat walk. But as of recent, she
seemed to have developed a very
unsexy trait. Just one and it wasn’t until
she came back from that honeymoon
with Willie that it all started. She is
always spitting around and it wasn’t
attractive at all.
At first, I ignored it until that Jambite
talkative talked to me about it.
“Ehm, Neche, are you aware that
Chinaza is always spitting around?” She
asked me, hovering over me and my
plate of rice like an evil spirit. I boned
and focused my attention on my food.
She liked food too and is always
sharing mine. She will say, “after all,
you are my namesake, if you don’t take
care of me, who will.” and is only in
matters of sharing food that she
remembers that we share the same
name but when it comes to the other
one, well shaa.
“So what?” I asked her, stuffing my
mouth with half of the meat in the food.
I thought I saw her eye me.
“Well, just last night, she vomited and..

I hushed her. She was going to ruin my
appetite with the unsavory tale.
“Chinecherem, I am eating abeg.”
” I know but what I am saying is that
she wasn’t doing all those things until
she visited your brother,” She
continued.
“So you are saying Willie taught her
how to spit everywhere?”
“No, you remember in Nigeria movies,
when a woman starts vomiting? She
said and eyed me suggestively.
“Then she is pregnant,” I completed it
for her. She seemed to be making
sense for the first time and I dropped
my spoon.
“Where is shape?” I asked.
“In our room.”
I got up from my chair and eyed her,
then eyed my food.
“Don’t touch it.”
“I swear I won’t.”
“I am serious.”
“I won’t touch it. Go and see her.”
I left her to guard over my food. Goat
and Yam. I got to shape’s room and
met her lying on the bed looking as
shapy as ever, only that her face wasn’t
so bright.
“Baby,” I called softly and sat beside
her on the bed.
“Sweetheart,” she replied. I touched her
head and it was a bit hot.
“Neche told me you were vomiting last
night.”
“Yes, I’m not feeling too well,” she said
weekly.
“How is it doing you?”
“Slight headache, body pain, nauseous
and my stomach too,” she listed out.
“Ah ah, only you?”
“Yes o,” she said.
“When did it start?”
“I started noticing slightly while I was
with Williams baby, but it was just a
slight headache back then, now even
my waist is paining me.”
My jaw dropped, I looked at that waist
and shook my head. It’s massive size
made me wonder why it won’t pain but
eventually, I thought, Willie has banged
this girl into pregnancy. My father
would just insist that he marry her.
“Do you think you are?” I asked
suggestively and she eyed me.
“That I am what?”
“You know naa,” I repeated, rubbing my
stomach.
“Pregnant?” she blurted out and I
nodded.
“Nooo,” she said and shook her head
vigorously, with some sort of
confidence.
“How would you know that you are not?”
“I don’t know, I cannot be pregnant now,
not now abeg.”
An Idea struck my head and I picked up
my phone, dialed Chinaza’s number and
put it on loud speaker. It rang 3 times
before she picked.
“Hello,” she sang into the phone.
“Baby how are you?” I asked and she
replied fine. Her voice showed she was
fine, she was sounding really sweet.
“And the baby?” I added.
“He is trying to strangle himself with my
umbilical cord. He has been disturbing
me since morning.”
“Ehyaa, sorry sweetheart, I wish I could
help you carry her,” I replied, placing
my emphasis on the HER. She wanted a
boy and I wanted a girl. I loved girls.
“It’s a he dear and I wish you could
help me carry him too, you only know
how to get me pregnant,” she replied
stressing the he. I wasn’t in the mood
for an argument and it’s my airtime that
would burn. So I went straight to why I
called her.
Chinaza, what signs were you getting
before you went for a pregnancy test?”
“How?” she asked.
“I mean, how was your body doing you
before you realized you were pregnant?”
“Why are you asking? Are you pregnant
or did you get another girl pregnant?”
“What do you mean? How can I be
pregnant?”
“I don’t know o. You had better be
pregnant because if it’s another girl that
is pregnant for you, I will strangle you
and whoever the silly girl is.”
“Jeez. Baby relax,” Shape intervened.
“Chinaza?” She called and shape
answered.
“It’s me that wants to know about the
pregnancy stuff,” shape said and
Chinaza went cool.
“Okay, I thought that silly boy has done
it again.”
“No, he can’t, not when I am here,”
shape replied and eyed me. It was none
of my concern, my only concern was
that my airtime was burning.
“Okay, so it just started with a slight
headache,” she started and shape paid
rapt attention. “Then, I vomited once I
think and I was always feeling dizzy.” I
thought I saw shapes eyes bulge and I
stifled a laughter. “And I think a part of
my breast was paining me,” Chinaza
finished and I saw the blood drain from
shapes eyes. She was almost crying.
“Naza stop, thank you,” I managed to
say and switched off my phone before
that damn MTN girl will start warning
me about my airtime.
I shook my head pitifully at her as her
eyes moistened. She kept repeating
‘Willie has killed me’. Before it was
Williams baby but now she pronounced
his name in the old fashioned way my
mother would call him, ‘WILLIE’.
I’m not very good at consoling girls
especially beautiful ones like Shape, I
was only good at romancing them and
at that point in time, I didn’t think it
would be of any help. I had to leave her
to mourn herself and left for my room. I
met my room empty and my plate that
once had a sizable portion of rice and
stew with a good chunk of meat was
lying very neat in my basket, shining
and dripping with the water that must
have been used to wash it.
I had always told Chinecherem that
someday, very soon, I am going to rape
her to death but she thinks I am joking.
Just one day.

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Life of a fucker. Episode 51.

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