Chinaza came to my lodge looking so
unlike her, her fair robust body was
tanned in an unsexy way and she
seemed to have lost some flesh. I was
just watching her as she came into my
room, too dumbfounded to even
She came and stood staring at me, we
stared at each other for sometime
before she walked up to me on the bed
and dropped herself on my laps.
“Why are you looking at me like that?”
she asked me.
“I just noticed that you look like
Roseline was their very slim fitted
house girl, not that she wasn’t fine, in
fact the slim fit was actually good on
her just that I am so much into asses.
“Really? Is that a good thing?” she
asked looking at me.
“Naza, there is nothing good about it, if
I wanted to date a tiny girl I would be
with your house girl, not you, in short
sit down first. I’m coming.”
She sat on the bed and I went outside
in search of shape and James. I
badged into shapes room and met her
in her bras and pants. If she wasn’t a
virgin, I would have been thanking God
her sister wasn’t around.
“Dress up and follow me,” I commanded
and she eyed me suspiciously, not
minding her outfit and my constant
stares at her well rounded ass and
“Wear something first or can you follow
me like that?”
She rolled her eyes at me and flipped
on her gown. We went into James room
and he was snoring away his life. I beat
him up and dragged him along with
Shape to my room.
Chinaza stared at us curiously as we
came in. I made them stand and
observe her for sometime, glances were
flying from everywhere to me.
“Can’t you guys see?” I shouted in
“See what?” Shape asked staring at me.
“Oh, Naza came, we can see that,”
James replied, scratching his head.
“Guy don’t be silly, can’t you see how
thin she is looking.”
James searched her with his eyes and
“Yes, maybe she wants to be a model.”
Shape was entirely indifferent. Chinaza
made me sit beside her on the bed.
James left while shape joined us on the
bed. I was preparing for a wonderful
3some in my mind but got something
else. Something I didn’t like one bit.
“Chi something happened.”
That was shape talking to me like I just
lost my wife and she was loaded with
the burden of giving me the news, well,
Naza was there so obviously, I hadn’t
lost my wife. Lol
“What happened?” I asked, sharing
glances between her and Naza.
“It’s chinaza, she fell sick last month,
that was before her birthday.”
“Why didn’t she say that when we came
for the party?” I asked trying to hide the
fear that was cropping up in my mind, I
was hoping and praying fervently that
she didn’t have HIV.
“Because it wasn’t serious then, so
telling you was unnecessary,” Naza
replied in a way that spooked me
seriously, you should see the look on
her face, real scary.
“So now what? Do you have HIV?” I
asked and she shot me a glance.
“No I don’t,” she retorted and eyed me
suspiciously ” Chinecherem, do you
“Of course not, where will I get it when
you don’t have.”
Well, She went to the hospital, I
followed her actually,” shape continued.
“Ehee,” I was getting impatient.
“And tests were done,” shape said
slowly, my suspension reaching it’s
zenith. Does she have cancer? If so, I
was hoping it wasn’t cancer of the
pussy or breast.
“I am pregnant,” Chinaza cried out
eventually. If she had said cancer of
the pussy and breast at the same time,
I would have preferred it.
My mind rushed back to the previous
year, yea, when we all fell sick and she
came back with the pregnancy joke. My
mind clicked, yea, the date was April
5th. I smiled and looked at the two of
them. I caught them in time. My racing
heart slowed down a bit.
“Baby, it’s April 5th today, your joke
came late,” I said, grabbing her hand,
she flipped my hands away and sniffed.
“I am not joking, I am pregnant,
bleeping pregnant Chinecherem.”
Like she was crying and her beautiful
light face was red. She obviously
wasn’t joking so the April fool thing
was a sham.
Jeez, I didn’t even know when I asked
her that, the look she gave me was out
of this world. I half prayed for her to
say it’s James or Shape, YES! Shape!!
anybody but me!!!
“Don’t you dare ask me that again,” she
almost yelled out. Obviously, it was me.
The room went dark and my head was
spinning 360 degrees, I could hear
Nigerian police siren blasting in my ear,
my right early only, my left ear wasn’t
even hearing any sound.
I stood up from the bed and made my
way to James room. I didn’t even know
how I managed to get there because I
wasn’t even seeing the road at all.
“Guy what’s up?” James asked as I
walked in, he was leaning over his plate
of over soaked garri.
“I don’t know guy, Shape and.. and
Chinaza, they are in my room,” I was
stuttering as I spoke.
“Yes, I know they are in your room, what
happened? Are they doing lezzy?”
“No, Naza was saying something, errm,
she was saying something about
something, James I don’t know,” I
Stopped and took a deep breath while
James watched me like I was doing a
Basket Mouth something.
“Just go in there and find out what
Naza was saying, then come back and
tell me because I didn’t even
understand what she told me.”
“Ok, I will go, but don’t touch my garri,”
he warned and left, if only he knew that
the garri looked like poo to me at that
I crashed on the bed and gazed at the
roof. My mother’s favorite advice to my
brother and I was banging hard against
“Umu m, any man that a woman doesn’t
kill will surely live out his God allotted
time on earth.”
But It’s Chinaza, my only true Love, she
can’t kill me.
My head was popping like pop corns as
I sat there, imagining how I will break
the news to my people.
My Mom will just shout the living
daylight out of me. I don’t know what
my father will do.
James came back looking more
confused than I was.
“Guy what was she saying?” I asked
“That she is pregnant for you and she
wasn’t joking o.”
“Guy is that even possible? I mean are
you sure I am not impotent?”
Anything that would null and void the
possibility of my being the owner of the
pregnancy was welcomed. James just
looked at me like I was going mad.
“Wetin you mean, guy you are potent in
“Amen but guy, do you think the
something is mine?”
” It should be naa, I think you are the
only one bleeping her.”
We both sat on the bed, staring away.
“Maybe you should call Williams,”
James suggested and I nodded, that
was the most coded thing to do.
“I have to get my phone, it’s in my
I opened the curtains to my room and
peeped in, I was obviously expecting
Naza to grin at me and say it was all a
prank but she didn’t, she was sitting on
the bed with Shape, staring at the TV,
she had stopped crying.
“What do you want to do now?” I asked
her as I got to her on the bed. She
looked at me and shook her head.
“I don’t know.”
I stared at her for a few seconds, she
returned my stares and her
“No way, I am not aborting him.”
I was yet to find out how she keeps
reading my mind through my eyes.
“I wasn’t saying that.”
“But you were thinking it, please I won’t
“Him? You already know it’s a boy?”
Something was telling me that she was
enjoying the whole pregnant something.
Shape was having the laugh of her life
at the side.
She just let out a weak smile and threw
herself into my hands while I called
“Hello, young man, how are you?” Willy
bassed into my ears.
“Guy I no dy, you fit enter my lodge?”
“Ermm, wetin happen, you give woman
That was funny.
“Yes, I give woman belle, abeg come
He laughed, he probably thought I was
“See you and your impotent prick, I dy
We dropped the phone and I wished I
was impotent. Lol