Life of a fucker. Episode 33

You are plus one today, that’s a plus to your your age, a plus to your wisdom, to your intelligence, to your brilliance, to your sexiness, to your hips, ass and boobs and a plus to everything good and sexy in your life, may your birthday bring great Joy that will surprise even you into your life. My star, my moon, my baby mama, my headache and my soft mattress, happy birthday”
There is only one person in this world that i can send this type of message to. You are free to guess.
I made sure I woke her up with it, i wanted mine to be the first message she will receive on her birthday otherwise it may mean a one month long fight between us.

Her reply came in few seconds after I sent the message. She called shaa, apparently my text had woken her up. The sleep was still all over her voice but she was excited.

“Baby, I love you so so much much sugar, muaah!!” that was a kiss

“Haa, easy o before you give me diabetes, happy birthday sweetheart”

“Thanks baby, I love you”.

“I know, so who’s taking you out?”

“Are you not coming? ”

“Come where?”

“My lodge nah, Neche you have to come o, its my birthday, your baby’s birthday” she stressed that baby and birthday and my brain translated it to “come and spend money”

“Your birthday and then? Is it Christ’s birthday abi Christmas that i will visit you?”

“Hmmm, Neche even on my birthday, you want to start quarrel?maybe you think I will fight with you and then you can dodge giving me my gifts, lie lie, I will fight with you today, tomorrow you will bring me my gift o”. I only smiled, she don catch me like that. Shaa I was planning to pay her a surprise visit but on a low key. I will just go there, chop food, chop her and go back to my house, I have done enough fasting and needed to flex my muscle.

“Bae chillax naa, we will see later but not today” I said

“Why naa, it’s not fair o, if its other girls now”

“Ehe, if it’s other girls?”

“I don’t know, Just don’t talk to me again if you don’t visit me today, imagine, you have not even been to my lodge for once, to see how I am coping, if I am fine or not”

“If you are not fine, come down to my place. In fact i don’t blame you, na me send you text message ” I said and gave her a 200km hiss.

“Neche am sorry, please come naa, I want to see you, eh biko”

“I’m not coming, I don’t have transport money, happy birthday and goodbye”.

The call ended like that, none of us usually took the fights to heart as it was a normal thing. I manage to pull myself up from the bed and brushed my teeth before I forgot. Dressed up my room and went outside.

“Good morning sweetheart”. That was chinenye greeting me, she was one of the curve queens in our lodge, her face normally looked better when she had make up on than when it was bare, but she fine to an extent shaa tbh. So since her face was bare, I just fixed my gaze on her boobs.

“Baby wassup naa”

“I’m sharp”

“I can see that ” I said eyeing her all over and spiritually licking my lips.

“Its like your body is still asleep” I said shifting my gaze back to her boobs.

“How?”

“Your breast, they are lying down on your singlet, wake them up”.

She hit me with the towel she was holding and burst into laughter. I shaa adjusted the singlet for her and ran into James room. I met the nigga lying on the floor fast asleep. I walked up to him and beat him up.

“Nna guy what naa, someone can not sleep for you again even on Saturday ” he protested rubbing his eyes.

” Mumu today is Friday, I just need one thing from you”

“What? ”
That flower your babe gave you for your birthday”

“what for?”

“I want to give it to Naza for her birthday, I hope the scent is still there? ”

” Oh, today is her birthday”

“Yes, where is the flower abeg?”

“Erm check the wardrobe “.

I got the flower, a red one, the smell was still partially there but it wasn’t much.

” You body odour is already smelling all over it” I said looking down at him. He gave me one kind look that made me correct my statement. “Don’t worry, I can manage it”.

“One more thing” I said pocketing the flower.

“What is it? ”

” The birthday wishes card she also gave you”

“Noo, that one is specially made for me, She will ask for it one day and i can’t give it to you”

“James please naa, remember I once gave you Chinaza’s bumshort to give to your babe as a gift” I said hiding a smile, he eyed me and smiled.

“Oya carry microphone and tell everybody naa, get it from my locker”.

I was able to dig up the card, it had a beautiful design and the message was just perfect for my baby.

“How will you change the name on it?” James asked

“Don’t worry, Just watch me”.

After over 15 minutes of cutting and designing bits and pieces of paper, I was able to cover the names on the card and wrote mine on it. My next stop was in shapes room. She was on a cotton short nicker and a top that looked like a bra and a singlet. It showed her stomach and her boobs too. I would have been distracted but I was there for serious business, besides anytime I set my eyes on shape, the first thing that comes into my mind is Virgin.

“The sexiest virgin alive” I hailed her as I got into her room.

“Hey, sweetheart”

“How was your night?”

“Cute, yours? ”

” Fine o, Just this cold and loneliness”. She smiled and eyed me naughtilly.

“Hope you have wished Naza a happy birthday?”

“It was the first thing I did today and that is also why I am here”

“Tell me about it”

“Well first one, can i have your powder?”.

“Ok”. Her powder smelled absolutely nice so all I did was take out the rose flower, sprinkle the powder on it while Shape watched like I was doing a merlin something. I managed to get the flower to smell like the powder, it was a lovely one and shape laughed at my ingenuity. What else can a broke lover boy like me do?.

“Now onto the next one” I said and shape looked at me in a really sweet way and my mind yelled, Virgin!

“Ermmm, shape, do you have a new pant or bra that you are not using?”. Hahaha, now, that was supposed to be a joke but i was serious in a way.

“Why?” she asked Giving me a puzzled look.

“I want to add it to a list of Naza’s birthday presents”

“But me and her don’t wear the same size naa, I’m bigger than her” she said and that was true, Naza was the hour glass type of girl but everything was moderate in a sexy kinda way, but shape, men she was just shape.

“Don’t worry, the tailor will slim fit it” I said and we both burst into laughter.

So with everything set, I was ready to drop in on Naza like a nuclear bomb, her presents were lined up on my bed according to heights. The card, the flower and a bottle of red wine, borrowed from a lodge mate. I had promised to return it to him once I get back, Naza hated red wine and I was sure she wouldn’t drink it but at least she would acknowledge that I bought WINE even though it wasn’t her type but then, I can always say I forgot that she hated it. Shape was going to accompany me, I don’t know who was going to pay for the transportation but then, I know that the Lord will always be Good. 11am on the dot, I was preparing to take my bath when my door opened.

“Shape, its stilll early naa, I thought we agreed 1pm” I said facing the T.v.

“Hello” a totally different, Seductive and hypertension reducing voice called out. I jerked up and took a look in the direction of the door. I didn’t know whether to be angry or smile at her. She just stood there in all her beauty and curvature, her skintight mini gown x-raying her body, her face looking better than it was the last she had visited, her her curves were sharper than a French curve abi bending corner. She was a heavy, the Mercy Johnson kind of heavy. The moment I set my eyes on Cynthia at my door, I knew Chinaza’s birthday was about to be relegated to the background.

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Life of a fucker. Episode 32
Life of a fucker. Episode 34.

Completed Stories

Forever Young || Girls In The Boys Dormitory || Lost Of Virginity, An Early Mistake || Life Drama || The Promise Keeper || Shattered Dreams || The Web Of Mistakes || IZI JAE || Omo Wobey || Life Drama || Endless Tears || Nick The House Help || The Police And The Hacker Boy Season 2 || My Mother Inlaw || The First Day I Toast A Girl || Marital Shambles || The Battle || Price Of Virginity || Painful Pleasure

Adebimpe The Facebook Girl  || Adebimpe The Facebook Girl Part 2 || The Revange || Journey to No Mans Land || Doctors, The nurses and patients || Compolsory Marriage || My landLady, Daughters and Tenants || Diary of a Hot Convent Student || Diary Of A PortHarcourt Olosho

Home Advantage || A Corper and 3 Sisters || Bro Paul || The Church Accountant || My Office, Our Clients & My Career || Compulsory Marriage  || Bro Paul || Confession of a Private Home Teacher || Diary of a Portharcourt Olosho || The Perfect Couple || Single But Living Married ||Adebimpe The Facebook Girl part 6
In That Moment || Vacation in Obudu || Cyber Lover || Church Accountant || Vacation In Obudu || A Corper and 3 Sisters || Memoirs Of A Repentant Virgin || As She Thought Me || The Drummer Boy || From Ghetto With Love || The Genesis || Love, Sex and Betrayal || Adebimpe The Facebook Girl part 7 || Adanna: The Mysterious Aba Girl|| Brouhaha in the house of God || Carpenter, The Witch And The Mysterious Mirrow
The Mysterious Twenty Thousand Naira My Name Is Miracle || Mad O.T || A Clarion Call To Confusion || Wasted Years || The Hacker And Police Rob And Rape || Sister Mary || Brouhaha 3 || The Rape || The Concubine || Playboy || Genesis Of A Runs Girl || Curious || Campus Dilemma || Argonies Of A Househelp || Changed
Cynthia || The Most Wanted Maid || Afraid To Love || Taking Chances || Doctors Prescriptions || Oluchi, Travails of Terror || Aisha, chronicles Of A Runs Girl || The Governors Daughter || Blast from the past || Adesuwa || A Night With A Stripper || Betrayal || Deji The Pool Boy || The Abandoned Child || Blind Desire || I'm In Love || The Revange || The Killer || My Private Tutor
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