Gosh!, why am I feeling so scared, something doesn’t feel right. Am supposed to be enthusiastic and filled with excitement. I should know already and be quite sure that I made it. At least my inner mind should be telling me that. But that’s not the case.
I thought of calling Ijeoma just to inform her about the news in case she still haven’t heard. But then I remembered am now owning MTN more than 500naira and I can’t borrow again (as in eh, Mtn go soon award me as their best customer when it comes to borrowing).
When I got closer to the cyber cafe (the biggest and most successful in the area), I saw a huge crowd, probably those who still wanna check theirs. Kai!, see the long queue, savage, I just felt like turning back immediately. Shuoo, which kind country be this sef. Am a patriotic citizen, Yes!, but sometimes I can’t help it.
To withdraw money from bank – queue. To serve yourself food for party – queue. To place bet for Bet9ja. – queue. To vote for election – queue. To buy things for market – queue. To register for JAMB – queue. To go job interview – queue and now to even check the JAMB result – queue again. Even craze people and hawkers still dey stand for their own queue for this country.
In fact, we don too many for the country, dey need to throway some people just to decrease the population small. Shuoo, which year I go take commot from this place. Just see people future mama and Papa pushing and fighting each other for line spot, arguing on who first came. E weak me oh. If only I had an Android phone, I would have just checked by myself but of course the number of people with Android phones in this poorest region of Enugu is damn low, so the crowd is understandable.
“Ifeaz”, I heard Prosper call me. I turned towards the direction of the sound and saw him walking towards me with his grandma (dry bone sha…….). Shuoo, wetin make am allow he grandmama follow am. He wan kill the old woman with heart attack now once she see he result (all my mind be say Prosper go fail). I greeted her as usual in Igbo “mgbede` oma”(Good evening), I said and she replied “Ndewo, ihe oma diri mu obim”. (Greetings, Goodluck, my son). She then left us to meet other old people who had probably followed their children or wards to check their results.
“But guy you quick oh, professional trekker, just na wey I call you nai u don trek reach here from the factory?”, he said. “Before nko, na con dey waka that your snail type of waka?”. “Your ear”, he retorted. “Guy how we wan take check comot for here today, people many oh and me I nor get that power and body to go stand for line, I never chop since morning oh”, I said despondently.
“O boy!, cool down, nor worry, I don already collect number for us”, he said handing me a small sheet of paper with the number 92 stamped on it. “Make we just wait make our turn reach, am no 91, trust me naa… I get paddy for inside that cyber cafe, nai help me, we nor go even pay chin chin sef, come make we go sit down rest small for my barber friend store wey dey opposite”, he continued.
Mehn!, I do love this guy for so many reasons, even if he head nor dey correct sometimes, he’ll always remain my best friend. I’d love the both of us to enter school together this year although his first choice isn’t Imsu but ESUT(Enugu state university of technology) for electrical engineering. If only he’d been more serious with his studies, he would have been a graduate my now(at 21). Prosper has never ever scored above 160 in his “JAMB Career”. I really hoping for the best this time around and…………
“O boy, Wetin you dey think, I dey wan talk to you since, but be like say your mind nor dey here”, Prosper’s voice brought me back to present. “Abeg, I just dey think about the whole JAMB thing na, 3 days of sleepless nights nor be moi-moi oh”, I said. “O boy, the thing just weak me sef oh, I never even tell you sef oh, many people just dey fail anyhow since, from all the people wey I see check their own for there, e never reach 5 wey pass 200”, he began to jist be. (Prosper like aproko and jist eh). “Jesu, hmmm this year own strong oh(as if, that simple thing).
“Hmmm, Shebi you remember that fat yellow ashawo girl with big breast and yam leg(chaii) wey dey friend our landlord, she fail eh, 124”, he continued. See am woman wrapper, he never even know how he own go be and he don dey judge people. “Chaii, tell me story, that girl really fail”, I said pretending to be interested. “Shuoo, yes na, naso she con take cry reach house, that girl no know anything except how to bounce her fyn waist waka for road”, he said. “Hmmm, nawa oh”, I said.
“Eh eh, Shey you know that boy wey I tell you say na him teach me how to pick pocket(thief), he get 190 and this one na him 2nd attempt, he try die, if I fit get reach 190 this year, me and my grandmama go happy die”. Chaii see person wey wan happy for JAMB score of 190, as for me I was hoping for 300 and above. But I nor just talk because I know say he go change am follow me.
When we got to his friend’s barbing salon opposite the cyber cafe, I was surprised to see so many girls (who had probably came to check theirs) there. Shuoo, wetin girls dey do for barbing salon. But when I checked what was on in the TV screen, I wasn’t surprised again at all. They were watching the highlights of the recently concluded Big Brother 9ja reality show. Chaii, some of them go don even forget say they come check JAMB result, dey con sit down dey watch big brother. E weak me oh.
Prosper and I sat down manageably at the extreme end of a sofa, also crowded with girls who were even lapping each other(savage). It seems more were tropping in every minute as some of the ones already there kept calling their friends (nor be say I too dey talk oh, but this big brother, zee world, telemundo and the rest channels wey girls dey like well need to stop for this country because dey don too curse Hazard to our girls).
Well, as for Prosper, he was very happy about the development because he had enough girls to flirt with (original womaniser). Around 5:30pm, my bestie received a call from his friend who’s working at the cyber cafe, it was almost our turn to check now according to the numbers given earlier. By the time we got there, my heartbeat had already increased once again. Prosper’s grandma was waiting for him, he was going to be the first to check and somehow I was glad about that.
2 minutes later, I was like, Jeez, he passed. Prosper of all people scored 216. Wait how did that happen. I was perplexed, flabbergasted, puzzled, amazed and at the same time overwhelmed with joy and happiness. Just seeing my best friend jumping and screaming, punching the air and his dry old granny rolling embarrassingly on the floor, the crowd at the cafe cheering them on made me shed tears of joy. I never even imagined a scene like this.
Yes!, nothing can stop him now. Mehn!, if ordinary Prosper could score 216 then that means mine would be 350 and above. I suddenly got new hopes and confidence. It was my turn now, I walked to the guy in charge and he asked for my reg no.
5 minutes later, I was still standing beside the guy who was helping me check mine. The system had suddenly developed fault because it wasn’t responding again (why always me). My case is always different, other people have been checking theirs peacefully since without any problems. The others were getting impatient and kept murmuring. I was glad the staff didn’t mind, he kept clicking on “check result” but the page refused to open.
Another few minutes passed without any progress, I had already given up and was about to make way for someone else to come check theirs. Then suddenly, the page opened, finally. I glanced quickly at the score in the bottom of the page and what I saw nearly burgeoned my eyes out of its socket. I was stunned. My eyes became teary, my legs grew weak, my vision blurred. I lost control and balance.
The next words I managed to hear were “hold him, he’s fainting”, “bring cold water”, “help him up”…………Yes!, I collapsed………..