My Imsu Desire
I really don’t know where I was heading to but I just kept walking. The streets was very quiet and empty at this lonely hour of the night. I was glad about that. At least, no one was around to mock me. Where am I going to? I don’t know but of course am not going to kill myself. Lol, see them “World people”, so una really tinz say I go kill myself. I nor craze reach sef.
So, I’ve dreadfully trekked a long distance from home now and I arrived at the cyber cafe where my embarrassing, shameful, humiliating, dishonorable, painful, ignominious, disgraceful, degrading incident took place(uh, make Una pardon me, abeg). I fought with the urge to pick up a brick and stone down the glass doors and windows of the building. It’s a good thing I still had my self-control(If to say I get small Agbero character before eh). I just manage to keep walking, this time, more sorrowfully.
I thought of a way to ease my pain, so I started to reminisce about good memories and pleasant times in my life and I realized something, which is. Every time something good happens to me, it will just stay for a while because all of a sudden I’ll lose that happiness and be in a state of forlornness. There’s probably something cursing me these problems and afflictions. Life has been so unfair and complicated. I feel like a curse had been following me around every where I go(village people on point).
From when my real family was still alive, although I remember little about them but I can testify that we used to be a very happy family, after all we had everything and lived in affluence, but then I lost them and everything we had as well, and my life hasn’t been easy for the past 14 years. Then I thought about the time I moved to the orphanage, at first, I was happy, I adapted easily and quickly plus I really enjoyed my stay with the other boys until………..(una know na).
Then when I met my adopted father, life became very comfortable. He took me in and started treating me like his very own son. He provided me with everything I wanted (that time ehh, I dey eat 4 to 6 times a day). Naso everything just take cast once, he lost all his businesses and properties and became as poor as a church rat(back to soaking garri tinx).
And also, my secondary school life at Enugu-Ezike’s boys government college was such a pleasant and ever-enjoyable experience. From previously being a blockhead(olodo), I emerged as one of the brightest student ever seen and know in the history of the school. I represented them in various competitions and won prizes up to the point of them awarding me a scholarship and now as soon as my matter don cast wey dey hear, they’ll just throw me on the sidelines as if I were a piece of rag.( I was crying again now.)
And even Prosper, my best friend in the whole wide world, who’s like a brother to me did the same (na e own even weak me pass). We met in a local football field 5 years ago. We were playing a regular football match organized for under 17s in the town. He was playing as a defender(since he was the biggie type) for our rival Team while I played as a striker. He was assigned to mark me and make sure I didn’t score or even go near the 18 yards box. He couldn’t succeed anyway because I still scored thrice(a hatrick) which helped my team to a 5-2 victory.
After the game, I saw him crying, probably because he failed his teammates. I walked up to him and assured him that he was a great defender but just needed a little more practice, I volunteered to teach him and the rest was history. That’s how we became best buddies until recently. I still love him sha and I don’t blame him for the way he’s treated me. I know he has badly been influenced by that imp called Uche and the other rugged jagudas who he’s been hanging out with. Prosper used to be a very good and well disciplined young fella……….
Enough with the thinking now, lemme just continue my walk dejectedly with my mind empty of any thoughts. While I was passing by a church, whose doors were still open and wide apart even at this time of the night, my instinct and inner mind told me to abandon the walk and just go in and sit. But like I told you guys earlier, am not the churchy type but sha I do believe in God. But anyway, I do always follow my instincts, so firstly I walked to the entrance of the church and peeped in.
I was surprised to see no one, not even a soul inside the finely decorated church but the light bulbs were on with doors and windows opened. I felt like someone was pushing me inside as I kept walking nonstop until I got to the altar. I climbed the small steps and sat on the floor for a few minutes. I didn’t even know when I started praying and begging God for help. I cried while doing so for almost an hour until I fell asleep.
“Hey, excuse me, who are you and why are you lying down on the altar”, I heard a familiar feminine voice said while tapping me by the shoulder. I opened my eyes, uh!, I can’t believe it’s Sunday morning already and I had slept in a church altar. “Hey, am talking to you”, the familiar voice repeated. I spun around to place my back on the floor and looked up at the speaker. Guess who?
Yea, you are right. It’s her again, looking beautiful as ever. “Hey Ifeaz, what are you doing here sleeping on the altar of my church, did you come to look for me, how did you know I attended this church, I didn’t tell you shey and why haven’t you been answering my calls or replying to my text messages, look at you, future school mate, you look so disfigured, I almost didn’t recognize you, how are you, what happened”, she said all of this in one breath (this girl dey talk oh).
“Um, um, eh, actually, I, I, em…………”, I was speechless, not knowing what to tell her. I sat up and glanced around. Jeeez!, it seems like the Sunday service was gonna start in no time, so many people had already arrived and they probably hadn’t noticed me(except her) because I was sleeping at the far end of the altar. “Please talk to me, is anything wrong”, she said again. I was trying to stand up now and she lend me her hand to assist me up. “I em, I was just em………..”, I still didn’t know how I’ll explain myself.
“Anyway, don’t bother, am sure you’ll explain everything to me later, but for now, lemme give you water to wash your face so that you can at least look like a human being again (smiles) then, I’ll take you to your sit, it’s 7am already and the service would start any moment now”, she said as she dragged me down the staircase.
She introduced me as a friend to some of the members including her younger siblings and her mum(her dad wasn’t around). I sat down close to her siblings and she went to her duty post. She was among the uniformed ushers in charge of directing and escorting people to their sits. Gosh!, I can’t even remember the last time I attended a church. Maybe this is what I need right now. To be more prayerful and communicate with Him more often.
As soon as the service which lasted for 3 hours ended, Ijeoma hurried up to me (as if she nor fit wait for the church to end since). “Ehen, so em, Ifeanyi, am all ears now, you can tell me anything, what’s wrong”, she said sitting next to me. I’ve decided what to do already, I wouldn’t tell her what really happened. It’s not like I don’t trust her but I just feel like she might also see me as a failure, something I can’t even bear the thought of.
“Answer me naa, have u checked your result sef”, she asked. “Em, actually no, I haven’t checked yet”, I lied. “What!, why haven’t you checked yet, don’t tell me you’re scared to.” “Jeez, me scared, say wetin happen, when I know say I write well, you funny oh”, I said again. See me sef oh, for inside church again I dey blow this kind lie.
“Oh really, so why haven’t you been answering my calls and why were you sleeping here?”, she said in a way that sounded like she wasn’t buying my lies. “Oh that, actually, I haven’t been in custody of my phone for days, I’ve been so busy with work. And today I was coming back from one of my outside jobs so late at night. I felt the streets wasn’t safe at that hour so when I saw the doors of the church open, I came in to spend the night”, I continued lying. What’s wrong with me?