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Brouhaha In The House Of God

Me and my friend Austin coming back from school after a notorious exam.
Me: guy where them put you na i nor even see your signboard OR breaklight self.
Austine: omo na ss3 class them carry us go oh, and na that wicked chuks be our supervisor.
Me: chai see punishment, that means no show for una side be that oh.
Austine: no show at all the exam worse pass jamb self, the thing really, na where you dey self.
Me: i dey multipurpose na.
Austine: see luck oh, there wey people many, them nor go even know who dey do expo.
Me: na so oh, even me expo wey i write for my sleepers all of them clean, na person book i tear commot oh.
Austine: wicked boy, but you dey mumu oh, you nor know say the thing go clean before?
Me: i nor reason go there at all, abeg make we waka fast i get choir practice today.
Austine: that una choir wey una dey bleep each other so.
Me: thunder fire that your mouth, which kind bleeping  talk be that.
Austine: hahaha even i hear say una choir master dey bleep two of una girls.
Me: na lie joor, na rumous, all those people wey dey carry fake fake rumous waka na God go punish them.
We continue trekking, our school is very far from our house, e take us 50 minutes from our house to school, sometimes i do get free bike base on say my mama na nurse and they know her for that community well well, meanwhile i be choir member for one anglican church, and we get beautiful girls with big hips

 

I got home exactly 4:00pm, our house dey opposite hospital wey my mummy they work, na primary health care government hospital, i done enter house see my elder brother cactus,  im senior me with 3 years, i drop my bag and check pot omo nothing dey pot, i enter room carry 50 naira from container, i went outside to buy head of fish, i came back and use the fish to sama garri, after eating i went straight to my bed to sleep at least i have like one hour left before the choir practice start, so i decided to sleep, as i they put my head for pillow i see my brother they carry cuttlass and bag.
Me: bros you wan enter farm this evening?
Cactus: which farm, i wan go river go kill fish.
Me: them don put chemical for river?
Cactus: they there dey sleep na.
Me: chai na im you nor tell me since only you wan just go abi?
Cactus: na just now them call me self, na frank call me say them don put gamali 20 for river oh.

Oboy no more choir practice again oh, i got up quickly and prepare myself to go hunting i took one fitter, one cuttlas and big bag,.
The river is not too far, na our backyard e dey, infact na only we and our neighbour dey go the river go baf because na only we they that compound, na Jehovah Witneses them be, as we reach there omo come see people, some stand for bank of the river they watch people wey they use cuttlass smash fish head, so i leave my brother for there and head straight to down of the river, they say na the down side the fish they go pass, very dark spot and also very deep, i crossed to the other side and enter inside the river, standing at the center of big sea, holding my cuttlass, then i heard big smash at my back, i turn around and saw my big neighbour Felix, im senior me with 10 years, me i be small pikin, im they put one small fish for bag.
bros felix: na you dey here?
Me: yes bros, good evening.
Felix: you nor dey fear oh see as only you just stand for this rugged area.
Me: ha nothing to fear na, so far the chemical they work nothing go happen.
So two of us stay middle of the river dey kill fish, i saw one electric fish not too big, i cut the head and use filter to put it inside my bag, i caught alot of fish before the unusual happen.

 

I heard big sound from our front.
Felix: wetin be that?
Me: e be like say na big fish oh.
Then i heard the sound again, this time closer omo this fish go big oh, the thing they swim come meet me self with boldness, i never still know wether na fish or not and i don dey fear,
Felix: commot for river, na big fish be that oh.
I ran out of the big river while felix stood at the middle holding his matchet like matchete with confidence like rambo.
Then i saw it from where i stand, a very mighty fish like arrow head, swimming close to felix, i started shouting.
Me: bros commot for river, that fish too big oh, you nor go fit kill am.
Felix: that chemical don weak am so e no go dey strong no worry my guy.
Omo make una come see action film, as the fish swim closer to felix, felix rise his matchet and hit the fish on the head, then there was silent, no blood, nothing at all, after a minute something took felix down the river, then the thing start dragging felix to the bottom of the river, i ran after it shouting, make una help oh, make una help oh,.
The thing they drag felix to a very deep place and na only God go help am if them enter the deepest,.
Then from nowhere, i saw my brother and other people running after me from my back, e be like say them hear my voice.
Cactus: oz wetin they happen, why you they shout and run,.
me still running after the fish, point at felix as the fish continue dragging him, my brother saw it see the way wey im take pass me like usain bolt,.
Felix was struggling trying to free himself from the grip and the fish was slowing down, my bros took bamboo from the ground and ran to the front, before the deepest part there is one big tree that fell on the river creating a crosspart, my brother quickly climb the tree, i reach there omo i nor fit climb this tree oh e dey too tiny, even the other guys no climb am, maybe na boyscout wey my brother join give am mind like this my brother set the bamboo tree downward as the fish approach, e be like say the fish don tire because e don they slow down, so as the fish approach the tree, felix rose his hands up and grip the bamboo stick, the fish still try to pull felix from the bamboo, therefore making my brother to fall inside the river, as my brother fell ontop the river, i quickly look for another bamboo and throw it to them, e be like the fish don go, because i nor see am again, my brother drag felix from the river as he grip the bamboo, while i pull them from the deep blue sea with felix bleeding badly.
We got home rush felix to my mum hospital, i came back and look at the time, 6:30pm,



Copyright © 2016 by Akhigbe Oziegbe.
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Brouhaha In The House Of God (Episode 2)

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